a question of attributes

i am practically new at everything i do. 

but i have once heard that if we let what we don't know, stop us..

nothing will ever be done. 

& i've got plenty to do. 

Currently I am in the market to search out the most important attributes i think all human beings should have. 

1st world.

2nd world.

3rd world. 

the whole world. 

look in the dictionary, ask your bishop, priest, councilor, your mama, & yourself. There seem to be a thousand plus one attributes to become, or to stay away from. 

Which ones are the important ones? & why are they important? 

which ones will carry us to a new world? 

inspire our hearts?

commit to love? 

What attributes should we see more of in order to be the change? 

I'm making my list. What's yours?

& why? 

traveling the world, with six.

My aunt posted a link on facebook to this wesbite called 

 http://www.sixintheworld.com

unfortunately the link was announcing the passing of the sweet mother in this family, but it lead me to the great discovery of what her life was. 

This women, quite incredible, traveled the entire world with her four kids and husband. They took "live life to the fullest" with full sincerity. 

I've spent the last two hours reading about their adventures, and how it all began, and I can tell you now that I'm truly inspired. 

If there's a will, there's always a way. 

One Day Without Shoes

I've been in the process of designing t-shirts again. 

{seriously so excited to reveal my newest idea!}

 Going through the process of finding designs and what kind of t-shirts I want to be in the market for has brought back memories of doing the awesome "ODWS" t-shirts. 

I don't think I ever posted about how great that whole experience was for me. And how grateful I was for all who participated. 

It was such an awesome experience to see our whole school join in and come to school barefoot.{despite many teachers disapproval, we had an awesome principal. :)}

It was incredible to have people I'd never met before join us in our walk down the boulevard barefoot.

One guy, at a gas station, took his shoes off right then and gave them to us. 

My dad had massive blisters on his feet for supporting the cause. I was so proud of him. :)

and I'm pretty sure my friend Cas went to the emergency room for her blisters. 

The Boulevard wasn't a short walk, but everyone stuck it through, and made an impact that day. 

Though we are so privileged to have shoes to wear here in our comfortable homes, there are many in the world who don't have that privilege. Raising awareness for this cause has changed the lives of thousands. Because all of us, together, joined the movement.. today one more kid is wearing a pair of shoes to school. :)

The choices you make have endless effects you may never see.

The whole thing was utterly awesome. And I still love when I see people wearing those shirts 4 years later. 

TOMS, One for One. Thank you for living your dream so we could participate in a better future.

We made a difference. :) 

{thanks to all you awesome people who took photo's of this day!}

Summer bucket list:

My cute friend Berkley made a summers bucket list this year. Each time she posts about fulfilling something on the list I get a bit envious! I want to cross things off a fun list too!! so even though we're half way through summer, I've decided to make my own list. :) 

 1. Go camping in plaid

 2. Star gaze with my sweetie

 3. Visit a Saturday morning farmers market

 4. Sell 170 Scarves

 5. Sew a skirt & matching tie for J. (got this idea from Berks blog, she just sewed the cutest one from fabric her grandpa bought 50 years ago!)

 6. Catch up on my scrapbooking... Starting at age three!

 7. Visit my family in California

 8. Make 7 consecutive days of healthy meals

 9. Eat fresh peaches

 10. Finish a good book

When I grow up

If I could be anyone in the world..

"She would never turn heads, and she wasn't what you'd call pretty, but she could be the kind of woman you would look at and think, I'd like to know her."

~Cynthia Voigt, Glass Mountain

yes, this is who I would like to be.
I want to be interesting. and, clever. I want to be worth knowing.

 A breath of fresh air.

 If I could be anybody, I'd want to be strong, and clean. I would want to be powerful in speech, and peaceful in presence.

 If I could be anybody, I would want to be humble, and loving. The kind that people tag as real genuinosity.

If I could be anybody, I would want to be a hard worker, a classic girl.

If I could be anybody,  I'd want to be the kind of women that you would come to for anything. I would want to sooth your fears, and give you hope.

 I would want to be the women that you never hear negativity from, because she knows there is always good somewhere.

 If I could be anybody, I would want to know and be proud of, my own self worth. And believe that God would help me with anything, because I'm worthy of his love.

If I could be anybody, I'd be far from the worlds definition of a perfect women, and closer to Gods definition. And I would enjoy every minute of it.

If I could be anybody, I would be the kind of women that would change the world. by simply being all that she can be.

 If I could be anybody, I would be far from what I am now, and much more. 

Jacob's Scarves

This is Jacob.

 He is two years old, and one of the happiest people I have ever met. 

He lives in Dachong, at the bottom of my apartment, with his mom, dad, grandpa and grandma.

Everyday you will find him either playing outside with his two favourite toys, helping his family cut jeans, or hiding from the heat by taking a nap. 

Today we made it official that we will help him get an education. 

but not just any education. A bi-lingual one. 

because of this, Jacob has been given a future. 

a future with a thousand doors. 

:) 

Today, JACOB'S SCARVES was born. 

This is a non-profit business dedicated solely to the education of this little boy. 

Come July look forward to attending (and hosting!) JACOB'S SCARVES parties, seeing his flyer, & checking the "monthly 20" on FaceBook.  

trust me, you'll want in on this. Because not only will you be looking GREAT, but you'll also be feeling great too!

Here's to changing the world, one child at a time! :)

reasons why

{ a list i have been periodically making on my wall.}

because i deserve better

becase i don't want to hate myself anymore

because i can

because i want to be fit for life

because i can make others happy

because i am strong enough

because of the looks i will get

because i want to be epic

because i don't want anything more

because i'm done ruining my life

because handsome deserves better

because i'm sexy and i know it!

two words. wedding. night. {hehe...}
because i'm worth it - from Jennie

i think i'll add to this list every Wednesday. keep me remembering the reasons why. 

day 30 has come and gone

day thirty has now officially come and gone. & what did i do all day yesterday? i layed on my bed, skyped my boyfriend, cried a little, ate cookies, dressed up like Lady GaGa, had my fair share of bread pieces, and pinterest the night away.

Did i work out? no. Did i drink a lot of water? no. Did i work on my self control? no. Did i go on a walk? no. Did i do anything i wanted to do? no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no.

Was i happy with myself when i woke up this morning? no. Did i love the person i saw in the mirror? no. Did i feel good inside? no. Do I wish to re-do my day yesterday? no. no. no. no. no.

I wish to start again. Day thirty may have come and gone with absolutely no results (okay, hopefully that isn't entirely true..) but that doesn't mean that days sixty and ninety will play the same rule. i'm giving myself another week before i test my results, and see my out comes. another week to try again. another week to work harder then ever. and another week to stop whining.

to be honest, up until the past couple of days, i haven't done to bad with my p90x goal. I did the workout every day, and that counts in my book. But days are long. especially here. and i know i can do more with my time. not just for my physical body, but for my mental and spiritual bodies as well. ( and my sanity. don't forget my sanity.)

so yesterday, even though i was calling it a rough day and throwing in the towel, i got the gumption to write myself a list of eleven more goals i want to implement for myself. starting today. rain or shine.

this list is a physical list. because this is the part of me i want to attack with all my forces. this is the part of me that i feel is holding me back from obtaining spiritual or mental bliss. Perhaps if i felt good, felt accomplished, and gave myself the opportunity to look in the mirror and be pleased with what i see physically.. i will broaden my abilities to shape the rest of me that has bloated.

one step. one push-up. one mile. will hopefully lead to one more smile. one more helping hand. and one more patient being.

i know this may seem backyards, but believe me.. for me, it isn't. I have struggled with the pain of hating everything about myself for so long. i have seen the effects that poor health decision make for my spirit, and i have felt the rewarding bliss of a good decision. i am fully aware that when i take care of my body, i am simultaneously preparing the rest of me to raise the bar. & my bar should have been raised years ago.

currently i hold the position to directly influence three lives. we are in an intimate setting, and all eyes are on me. i don't want to leave this post knowing i could have done a thousand times better. No, i want to leave knowing i gave it my all, and then some. I want to lay my head on my pillow completely exhausted from keeping myself composed, happy, strong, and needed. i want to help mold the lives around me towards the goals that each of them posses. i want my existence to make a difference.

These three girls are not the only ones i have to work hard for. but also the children. the people i am here to serve. When i walk into that classroom every day, i want them to see that i am a happy confident women, but most importantly, that i am a happy confident women who loves them. I have seen the affects of giving all your love to a child you barely know. They are everlasting, and they are strong. Especially the students here. School isn't just a couple of hours of play time and reading.. it's ten hours of  studying, and learning new skills. It's ten hours away from a home environment.  I will not allow my poor personal choices to have any more disheartening affects on anyone. including myself. Not when i have complete opportunity to perhaps change a life entirely. The scale is horribly uneven.

My influence does not stop there. i also have a loving family, and a little sister. A little sister i do not have the best relationship with, but a little sister i believe in. She probably doesn't know this, but among all the people i know.. she is one i have always known would do great things. She has a spirit of gumption and adventure. and i do not want to leave her guide-less. I may not be able to do much, but anything i can do, any minute detail i can apply.. is more then i could ask for.  If i am too busy hating on myself, and wallowing in my misery for very much longer, i may miss this opportunity. Is that worth that cookie? or the decision not to get up in the morning? No way in hell.

Perhaps where my self hatred has affected my relationship the most, is with my one and only. Jeremy has never seen the kind of me i want to be. The kind of me i believe i was at one point. or even the kind of me that i wish to present to the rest of my life. He has been stuck with an awfully miserable person. But not only miserable, but also mean. I'm telling you, Jeremy is the greatest blessing in my life. He has saved me time and time again with many a things. He makes me smile when i no longer want to. He has provided a whole new world for me. And i return the favour with complaints and non-stop whining. This is not what a man like Jeremy deserves. But the best part? Although, (from some crazy reason) he loves me entirely for what i am now, he believes in me. He knows i can become a better person, and helps me daily to get there. If i don't change my habits and ways for any other reason... for him, it will be enough. I want to show Jeremy a girl he  can be proud of. One that will make all of his wonderful ways, worth it. A girl that will return all his favours, ten fold. I want to be better, so Jeremy can finally have what he deserves.

so you see, i am done being lazy. done being whiny. done making stupid decisions. and sooo done with talking about all of this.

i'm ready for action. i'm ready for change. & i am ready to bring home a kiri i am proud of.

so, after all this jib-jab, here are my eleven new physical goals for this week. And i would say wish me luck, but that's not what i need. i need firm resolution. So if you can wish that, please do.

1. drink. water. constantly. always carry a water bottle everywhere i go.
2. zero fast food.
3. no soda
4. go on a walk every day
5. eat 5 small healthy meals a day
6. 20 minutes of cardio daily
7. maintain good posture
8. ten correct push-ups a day
9. ten reverse sit-ups a day
10. lessen the soy sauce intake.
11. deep breath more often

another list another list another list.

yes, i am well aware. but each time, i get a little better. a little stronger. let's not forget that i almost made it to day thirty this time. Proof to myself that i can successfully, and proudly, make it to day sixty.

it may not be easy, but it will be worth it, i assure you. 

aspiring

Cheryl Jacobs Nicolai-

I get asked all the time, during workshops, in e-mails, in private messages, what words of wisdom I would give to a new and aspiring photographer. Here's my answer.

- Style is a voice, not a prop or an action. If you can buy it, borrow it, download it, or steal it, it is not a style. Don't look outward for your style; look inward.

- Know your stuff. Luck is a nice thing, but a terrifying thing to rely on. It's like money; you only have it when you don't need it.

- Never apologize for your own sense of beauty. Nobody can tell you what you should love. Do what you do brazenly and unapologetically. You cannot build your sense of aesthetics on a concensus.

- Say no. Say it often. It may be difficult, but you owe it to yourself and your clients. Turn down jobs that don't fit you, say no to overbooking yourself. You are no good to anyone when you're stressed and anxious.

- Learn to say "I'm a photographer" out loud with a straight face. If you can't say it and believe it, you can't expect anyone else to, either.

- You cannot specialize in everything.

- You don't have to go into business just because people tell you you should! And you don't have to be full time and making an executive income to be successful. If you decide you want to be in business, set your limits before you begin.

- Know your style before you hang out your shingle. If you don't, your clients will dictate your style to you. That makes you nothing more than a picture taker. Changing your style later will force you to start all over again, and that's tough.

- Accept critique, but don't apply it blindly. Just because someone said it does not make it so. Critiques are opinions, nothing more. Consider the advice, consider the perspective of the advice giver, consider your style and what you want to convey in your work. Implement only what makes sense to implement. That doesn't make you ungrateful, it makes you independent.

- Leave room for yourself to grow and evolve. It may seem like a good idea to call your business "Precious Chubby Tootsies"....but what happens when you decide you love to photograph seniors? Or boudoir?

- Remember that if your work looks like everyone else's, there's no reason for a client to book you instead of someone else. Unless you're cheaper. And nobody wants to be known as "the cheaper photographer".

- Gimmicks and merchandise will come and go, but honest photography is never outdated.

- It's easier to focus on buying that next piece of equipment than it is to accept that you should be able to create great work with what you've got. Buying stuff is a convenient and expensive distraction. You need a decent camera, a decent lens, and a light meter. Until you can use those tools consistently and masterfully, don't spend another dime. Spend money on equipment ONLY when you've outgrown your current equipment and you're being limited by it. There are no magic bullets.

- Learn that people photography is about people, not about photography. Great portraits are a side effect of a strong human connection.

- Never forget why you started taking pictures in the first place. Excellent technique is a great tool, but a terrible end product. The best thing your technique can do is not call attention to itself. Never let your technique upstage your subject.

- Never compare your journey with someone else's. It's a marathon with no finish line. Someone else may start out faster than you, may seem to progress more quickly than you, but every runner has his own pace. Your journey is your journey, not a competition. You will never "arrive". No one ever does.

- Embrace frustration. It pushes you to learn and grow, broadens your horizons, and lights a fire under you when your work has gone cold. Nothing is more dangerous to an artist than complacency.

March-ing on with more goals

get it?

haha, im so witty. 

anyway...

i have filled my life here with goals. (nothing new, but still.) 

what IS new, is that i am ACTUALLY accomplishing some of these. :) 

& to my long list, i have added a few more today. 

1. Stop using the word 'hate'. " I hate loosing" or, "I hate when i wake up and look like this.." heehe, no more!

2. stop using the phrase 'I can't'. I say this a lot during p90... but it turns out, i can! swell news. 

3. focus more on China. Meaning, cut more ties with back home. this one is a doosey. Not because i'm addicted to FB, or loooooove blogger, or talk to my mom 24/7. but because i'm kinda in love with this one guy, and it really really makes me happy to talk to him. & now i'm cutting that down to once a week. BUT! it's a good thing because now i will focus more on the here & now (another goal) and we will have more to tell each other on our phone conversation. :) 

(however, the poor guy is going to have a lot of random emails from me..) :) 

so that's about it. three new goals to my list. :) oh. and here is that list. 

1. eat better ( doing! i can eat fruit!)

2. spend $ wisely.. we'll talk about this one later..

3. study scriptures. 2 chapters a day baby! kinda.

4. work out. ( almost time for my 30 day check up with p90!!)

5. pray. :)

6. be more responsible. ( this means waking up NOT at ten every morning. which, i'm working on.) 

7. write often. ( and not lists, or goals, but actual interesting stuff.. which apparently i'm not doing too well at...) 

8. drink more water. this one is a bugger. but at least im not drinking as much soda! :)

9. live in the here & now. working on it.

10. finish all the Friends seasons.. Rachel just had her baby!

Here's to goals, and the happiness of achieving them! :)

black and white

“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must of felt what it is to die, Morrel, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life. 

" Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart, and never forget, that until the day God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words, 'Wait and Hope.” 
― Alexandre Dumas

One day, things like this will be my works.

goals galore!

new years resolutions have always been a list for me.
24, maybe 50 goals i set for myself. how many are achieved by December? not even close to half of half. in fact, most of the time i don't even remember what my goals are. So this year i finally got a little smarter and decided to make only a few personal goals. One's i could really strive to achieve and watch myself accomplish.
I'll have to admit though, some of these really scare me, and i'm already second guessing them. but! I still want to try. I want to be able to stand at the end of year 2012 and say " I did that. I accomplished every single resolution." :)

2012 goals for myself:

1. Run the St. George marathon.

this one really freaks me out because that's a lot of running!! However, whether i enter into marriage covenants or missionary ones when i return from my adventures.. i want to be in tip top shape! No frumpy sister missionary for me! ( or embarrassing wedding night) :/ haha

2. Eat no MSG.

I've decided to do no MSG again, because i LOVE no eating or drinking foods that are designed for me to be addicted to. I want to be the master of my own wants and desires, and i'm starting with food. Yes, that means no top roman, no Doritos, and no precious Dr. Pepper... but hey, self mastery is worth it, right?

3. Love like Christ

This one is a majour one for me. It's a little harder to clock then the other two, but i'm hoping i will be able to see the effects through a myriad of things, and not just visually. i have so many people in my life that are amazing. People left and right that i just adore. Some old, some new. But every single one of them deserves the absolute best. And i want to be sure i'm giving that to them. I never want someone to leave my house and think less about themselves. or be worried that now their name will be slandered. I want to love each person i know, with every bit of my heart. Unconditionally and without hesitation. No more anger, irritability, gossiping, or deceiving.

4. officially write down and perfect the bucket list.

currently in process, and currently LOVIN it. My life is going to be one heck of a ride. :)

so these are my four WORTHY ACHIEVABLE New Year's Resolutions. Now here's to stickin with it! :)

new year.

welcome, to a good new year. 

:)

oh, and hi!

Madi's Three Steps.

1. No talking about yourself. 

2. atleast ten honest compliments a day to different people. 

3. If there is trash talk, change it. If there is a depressing song, switch it. If there are thoughts in your head that aren't right, rethink it. 

pledgers:

Madi Riggs

Kirsten Reisner

Tanner Olsen. 

today will be the start of something different. 

Personal strength

empathy

"Empathy is about acknowledging that we are all separate, but also interconnected."

"One of my students, a waitress, has told me how impossible some of her customers can be. She described one customer, a very well dressed business woman who would come to her restaurant for lunch almost every day. she usually dined alone, reading business reports and annoying ohers by chatting loudly on a cell phone. Everyone in the restaurant called her "Mrs. Cranky," because the woman was always returning food, complaining that a draft was blowing on her, and often seemed to take it personally if the restaurant had run out of a particular item. She htought nothing of berating the waitress for things that were clearly not her fault. My student dreaded waiting on her, but the woman kept coming back. 

One day Mrs. Cranky came to the restaurant, accompanied by an ancient woman in a wheelchair who was obviously her mother. On that particular day, the persnickety customer was very quiet. All her usual complaining behavior was being taken over by her even more persnikty mother. the mother was more impossible than the daughter had ever been, and berated the entire wait staff. Her own daughter seemed to becomel ike a shy, insecure five year old, completely powerless to stand up for herself. She hunched over in her chair, almost as though she were cowering from someone who was about to hit her. 

the student saw all thsi, and began to have empathy for Mrs. Cranky. Seeing how she had been treated all her life made it obvious why she felt the need to treat others so abusviely. She decided that she would commit to ending the cycle of abuse. From that day forward, she treated this annoying customer of hers with love, kindness, and understanding. 

the ending of the story is not waht you would expect. The customer did not soften under the constant barrage of kindness that emanated from the student. Instead, she seemed distrustful and annoyed. It as almost as if she felt htat the kindness hse was reeiving was a trick. Mrs. Cranky was putting out hostility and by God, She expected hostility to come right back. That is how she had been raised. As unpleasent a life as it was, it was clearly the only way of being she could understand.

Eventually, Mrs. Cranky stopped coming to the restaurant altogether. The student says that although the customer didn't respond to her kindness, she herself got an enormous benefit from altering her behavior. She said, "I just felt lighter. I have always dreaded waiting on that customer, and suddenly i found myself looking forward to it. It made me feel so good about myself that it didn't really matter what the response was. I didn't care if she liked me. I liked me" that was the real gift that came from putting compassion into action. 

the waitress saw another human being as the frightened and confused child she once was. When you find yourself reacting to someone's behavior, the first hting you can do is to imagine that person as  a seven-year old. the man waving his fists at you in traffic is really nothing more than a little boy whose father doesn't have time for him anymore. The rude clerk at the DMV is really nothing more than an ashamed little girl who's been told over and over again that she is ugly and stupid. If you the time to see the hurt and sorrow, it becomes easier to have compassion and move on with the rest of your day."

- Gurmukh { 8 Human Talents}

" to live without compassion is to take on a physical burden. Poison seeps into every cell of your body."

be the good.

its the only way to be sure all others won't be as let down as you may have been.

it starts with one.

i want to be

a hard working student.

positvely emotionaly charged.

radiant

alive

creative

giving

outstanding

worth knowing

accepting

strong

elegant

stable

grateful

and perfectly the way i am meant to be.

{and yes, that does include going back blonde with no bangs. can'twait.}

i belong a lot of places.

i belong near the ocean. With my old long blonde hair blowing in the wind as i hold my elbows against my light purple hoodie. toes in the sand.

i belong on the top of a tall grassy hill. laying right in the middle of a sun ray.

i belong on a metro train. eyes open wide, ears filled with a musical composition of greatness.

i belong at the bow of a boat. arms open wide, skirt flying up.

i belong in a large white bed. snuggled by a feather down blanket and the softest pillow your head will ever know.

i belong in the blue eyes of my cousin Cody, the arms of my cousin Tashi, and the mind of my Uncle Mike.

i belong in a meadow of yellow flowers as the sun sets. arms open wide.

i belong on the hard cold floor of my yoga class room. peaceful to the core.

i belong right in the middle of a pumpkin chocolate chip cookie.

i belong in my living room at three in the morning. with a cup of cocoa in hand, and twinkling christmas tree lights in my perfect view.

i belong in the smile of my dad. the one that makes his cheeks chubby like a child.

i belong on a horses back with closed eyes.

i belong plopped in front of my computer screen at nine o' clock when Glee comes available to me.

i belong in the same room as Jadon and Shelbi singing a perfectly harmonized duet. tears over flowing.

i belong in the childrens hospital. on my knees, over come with gratitude.

i belong next to Sergey and his PSP. him and his mullet. me and my hat.

i belong on long walks with Trevor. talking till our throats are sore and our minds are blanketed with complete tiredness.

i belong in the moments where my mom is happiest.

i belong in my friends memories. at the time i was strongest, and made a real difference. a real good one.

i belong on the misty mountains of China. The place where Dr. Suess was inspired.

i belong on a bus. rolling over golden orange hills of red and brown.

i belong in a caroling group. standing next to friend and friend, lungs bursting, tears streaming, heart pounding, gratitude exuding.

i belong in the window seat. looking out at the coloured playground and dying trees.

i belong so many places, i forgot. because i've placed myself in so many places i don't.

just do it.

i am falling more and more in love with Nike every time i get on pinterest. {new obsession} {way better then fb.}

so, this week i want to JUST DO IT.

seriously.