day thirty has now officially come and gone. & what did i do all day yesterday? i layed on my bed, skyped my boyfriend, cried a little, ate cookies, dressed up like Lady GaGa, had my fair share of bread pieces, and pinterest the night away.
Did i work out? no. Did i drink a lot of water? no. Did i work on my self control? no. Did i go on a walk? no. Did i do anything i wanted to do? no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no.
Was i happy with myself when i woke up this morning? no. Did i love the person i saw in the mirror? no. Did i feel good inside? no. Do I wish to re-do my day yesterday? no. no. no. no. no.
I wish to start again. Day thirty may have come and gone with absolutely no results (okay, hopefully that isn't entirely true..) but that doesn't mean that days sixty and ninety will play the same rule. i'm giving myself another week before i test my results, and see my out comes. another week to try again. another week to work harder then ever. and another week to stop whining.
to be honest, up until the past couple of days, i haven't done to bad with my p90x goal. I did the workout every day, and that counts in my book. But days are long. especially here. and i know i can do more with my time. not just for my physical body, but for my mental and spiritual bodies as well. ( and my sanity. don't forget my sanity.)
so yesterday, even though i was calling it a rough day and throwing in the towel, i got the gumption to write myself a list of eleven more goals i want to implement for myself. starting today. rain or shine.
this list is a physical list. because this is the part of me i want to attack with all my forces. this is the part of me that i feel is holding me back from obtaining spiritual or mental bliss. Perhaps if i felt good, felt accomplished, and gave myself the opportunity to look in the mirror and be pleased with what i see physically.. i will broaden my abilities to shape the rest of me that has bloated.
one step. one push-up. one mile. will hopefully lead to one more smile. one more helping hand. and one more patient being.
i know this may seem backyards, but believe me.. for me, it isn't. I have struggled with the pain of hating everything about myself for so long. i have seen the effects that poor health decision make for my spirit, and i have felt the rewarding bliss of a good decision. i am fully aware that when i take care of my body, i am simultaneously preparing the rest of me to raise the bar. & my bar should have been raised years ago.
currently i hold the position to directly influence three lives. we are in an intimate setting, and all eyes are on me. i don't want to leave this post knowing i could have done a thousand times better. No, i want to leave knowing i gave it my all, and then some. I want to lay my head on my pillow completely exhausted from keeping myself composed, happy, strong, and needed. i want to help mold the lives around me towards the goals that each of them posses. i want my existence to make a difference.
These three girls are not the only ones i have to work hard for. but also the children. the people i am here to serve. When i walk into that classroom every day, i want them to see that i am a happy confident women, but most importantly, that i am a happy confident women who loves them. I have seen the affects of giving all your love to a child you barely know. They are everlasting, and they are strong. Especially the students here. School isn't just a couple of hours of play time and reading.. it's ten hours of studying, and learning new skills. It's ten hours away from a home environment. I will not allow my poor personal choices to have any more disheartening affects on anyone. including myself. Not when i have complete opportunity to perhaps change a life entirely. The scale is horribly uneven.
My influence does not stop there. i also have a loving family, and a little sister. A little sister i do not have the best relationship with, but a little sister i believe in. She probably doesn't know this, but among all the people i know.. she is one i have always known would do great things. She has a spirit of gumption and adventure. and i do not want to leave her guide-less. I may not be able to do much, but anything i can do, any minute detail i can apply.. is more then i could ask for. If i am too busy hating on myself, and wallowing in my misery for very much longer, i may miss this opportunity. Is that worth that cookie? or the decision not to get up in the morning? No way in hell.
Perhaps where my self hatred has affected my relationship the most, is with my one and only. Jeremy has never seen the kind of me i want to be. The kind of me i believe i was at one point. or even the kind of me that i wish to present to the rest of my life. He has been stuck with an awfully miserable person. But not only miserable, but also mean. I'm telling you, Jeremy is the greatest blessing in my life. He has saved me time and time again with many a things. He makes me smile when i no longer want to. He has provided a whole new world for me. And i return the favour with complaints and non-stop whining. This is not what a man like Jeremy deserves. But the best part? Although, (from some crazy reason) he loves me entirely for what i am now, he believes in me. He knows i can become a better person, and helps me daily to get there. If i don't change my habits and ways for any other reason... for him, it will be enough. I want to show Jeremy a girl he can be proud of. One that will make all of his wonderful ways, worth it. A girl that will return all his favours, ten fold. I want to be better, so Jeremy can finally have what he deserves.
so you see, i am done being lazy. done being whiny. done making stupid decisions. and sooo done with talking about all of this.
i'm ready for action. i'm ready for change. & i am ready to bring home a kiri i am proud of.
so, after all this jib-jab, here are my eleven new physical goals for this week. And i would say wish me luck, but that's not what i need. i need firm resolution. So if you can wish that, please do.
1. drink. water. constantly. always carry a water bottle everywhere i go.
2. zero fast food.
3. no soda
4. go on a walk every day
5. eat 5 small healthy meals a day
6. 20 minutes of cardio daily
7. maintain good posture
8. ten correct push-ups a day
9. ten reverse sit-ups a day
10. lessen the soy sauce intake.
11. deep breath more often
another list another list another list.
yes, i am well aware. but each time, i get a little better. a little stronger. let's not forget that i almost made it to day thirty this time. Proof to myself that i can successfully, and proudly, make it to day sixty.
it may not be easy, but it will be worth it, i assure you.
Did i work out? no. Did i drink a lot of water? no. Did i work on my self control? no. Did i go on a walk? no. Did i do anything i wanted to do? no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no.
Was i happy with myself when i woke up this morning? no. Did i love the person i saw in the mirror? no. Did i feel good inside? no. Do I wish to re-do my day yesterday? no. no. no. no. no.
I wish to start again. Day thirty may have come and gone with absolutely no results (okay, hopefully that isn't entirely true..) but that doesn't mean that days sixty and ninety will play the same rule. i'm giving myself another week before i test my results, and see my out comes. another week to try again. another week to work harder then ever. and another week to stop whining.
to be honest, up until the past couple of days, i haven't done to bad with my p90x goal. I did the workout every day, and that counts in my book. But days are long. especially here. and i know i can do more with my time. not just for my physical body, but for my mental and spiritual bodies as well. ( and my sanity. don't forget my sanity.)
so yesterday, even though i was calling it a rough day and throwing in the towel, i got the gumption to write myself a list of eleven more goals i want to implement for myself. starting today. rain or shine.
this list is a physical list. because this is the part of me i want to attack with all my forces. this is the part of me that i feel is holding me back from obtaining spiritual or mental bliss. Perhaps if i felt good, felt accomplished, and gave myself the opportunity to look in the mirror and be pleased with what i see physically.. i will broaden my abilities to shape the rest of me that has bloated.
one step. one push-up. one mile. will hopefully lead to one more smile. one more helping hand. and one more patient being.
i know this may seem backyards, but believe me.. for me, it isn't. I have struggled with the pain of hating everything about myself for so long. i have seen the effects that poor health decision make for my spirit, and i have felt the rewarding bliss of a good decision. i am fully aware that when i take care of my body, i am simultaneously preparing the rest of me to raise the bar. & my bar should have been raised years ago.
currently i hold the position to directly influence three lives. we are in an intimate setting, and all eyes are on me. i don't want to leave this post knowing i could have done a thousand times better. No, i want to leave knowing i gave it my all, and then some. I want to lay my head on my pillow completely exhausted from keeping myself composed, happy, strong, and needed. i want to help mold the lives around me towards the goals that each of them posses. i want my existence to make a difference.
These three girls are not the only ones i have to work hard for. but also the children. the people i am here to serve. When i walk into that classroom every day, i want them to see that i am a happy confident women, but most importantly, that i am a happy confident women who loves them. I have seen the affects of giving all your love to a child you barely know. They are everlasting, and they are strong. Especially the students here. School isn't just a couple of hours of play time and reading.. it's ten hours of studying, and learning new skills. It's ten hours away from a home environment. I will not allow my poor personal choices to have any more disheartening affects on anyone. including myself. Not when i have complete opportunity to perhaps change a life entirely. The scale is horribly uneven.
My influence does not stop there. i also have a loving family, and a little sister. A little sister i do not have the best relationship with, but a little sister i believe in. She probably doesn't know this, but among all the people i know.. she is one i have always known would do great things. She has a spirit of gumption and adventure. and i do not want to leave her guide-less. I may not be able to do much, but anything i can do, any minute detail i can apply.. is more then i could ask for. If i am too busy hating on myself, and wallowing in my misery for very much longer, i may miss this opportunity. Is that worth that cookie? or the decision not to get up in the morning? No way in hell.
Perhaps where my self hatred has affected my relationship the most, is with my one and only. Jeremy has never seen the kind of me i want to be. The kind of me i believe i was at one point. or even the kind of me that i wish to present to the rest of my life. He has been stuck with an awfully miserable person. But not only miserable, but also mean. I'm telling you, Jeremy is the greatest blessing in my life. He has saved me time and time again with many a things. He makes me smile when i no longer want to. He has provided a whole new world for me. And i return the favour with complaints and non-stop whining. This is not what a man like Jeremy deserves. But the best part? Although, (from some crazy reason) he loves me entirely for what i am now, he believes in me. He knows i can become a better person, and helps me daily to get there. If i don't change my habits and ways for any other reason... for him, it will be enough. I want to show Jeremy a girl he can be proud of. One that will make all of his wonderful ways, worth it. A girl that will return all his favours, ten fold. I want to be better, so Jeremy can finally have what he deserves.
so you see, i am done being lazy. done being whiny. done making stupid decisions. and sooo done with talking about all of this.
i'm ready for action. i'm ready for change. & i am ready to bring home a kiri i am proud of.
so, after all this jib-jab, here are my eleven new physical goals for this week. And i would say wish me luck, but that's not what i need. i need firm resolution. So if you can wish that, please do.
1. drink. water. constantly. always carry a water bottle everywhere i go.
2. zero fast food.
3. no soda
4. go on a walk every day
5. eat 5 small healthy meals a day
6. 20 minutes of cardio daily
7. maintain good posture
8. ten correct push-ups a day
9. ten reverse sit-ups a day
10. lessen the soy sauce intake.
11. deep breath more often
another list another list another list.
yes, i am well aware. but each time, i get a little better. a little stronger. let's not forget that i almost made it to day thirty this time. Proof to myself that i can successfully, and proudly, make it to day sixty.
it may not be easy, but it will be worth it, i assure you.
