In case your wondering, and you will be if your not already, its called a rough patch. One of those times in life, where you forget your own path. So you do everything you can to get it back, or to embrace the change.. and still nothing does the trick. Your light has faded, your spark is gone, your illusions have been unmasked, and you find yourself... lost. The common thing every human being will eventually describe themselves as. Why can't we handle this? Why must we always vier off course, and end up where we didn't intend to, and where we don't belong?... I'm hurt. And the only one to blame is myself. For far too long I have let myself down. I have been my own worst enemy. the bully everyone tries to escape lives inside of me, and I've let it determine some of the outcomes. I'm sick of it. I'm so tired of feeling never good enough. Of always tearing myself down because of something that may, or MAY NOT have been the right thing. I'm tired of ripping myself apart, I'm tired of backing down, and taking the side lines. I'm tired of living in the shadows out of fear of my own self. I'm tired of giving the advice that makes you feel so good, but not being able to man up to it in my own life. I'm tired of being less then my best. and I'm tired of everyone else realizing this, except for me.
and I'm tired of forgetting my testimony so easily. When I truly sit down to think about it, all my problems boil down to the gospel. If my faith is strong, and if I'm doing what I should be doing, life is easier. But when I'm not...the world, or worse, myself, crashes. And I'm left with utter madness. I love the gospel. I know it works. I know its true. I know it has the power to change lives, its done so to mine numerous times. I have personally felt Gods hand in my life on so many occasions. But its not just the big stuff. I believe in scripture study, and in tithing. I believe in church attendance, and callings, and all that good stuff. Each task we do to try to become a better Latter Day Saint, a better person, blesses our life for the better. I love Jesus Christ, and I can truly say He is my best friend.
So tell me, how can I forget about Him so easily?
This boat needs to stop rocking, and I need to find me some firmer ground. Starting with myself. I want to genuinely like myself, so I can genuinely love others. I'm sick of this half effort crap. Get me off this plateau and onto some growing.
I need my light back.
