Is the best way to explain exactly how I feel at this moment..
and for the past couple of days.
As my life unravels, and events take place, and people come and go, I am truly amazed at the blessings God has given me in my lifetime. I am not anyone who deserves special treatment or care, but I certainly can not deny that God has given my life plenty of extra beautiful touches. To figure this out, all you would have to do is spend a day by my side. And within twenty four hours your will see, touch, hear, and feel something so powerful, that the only option you feel you have, is to instantly kneel and cry out to God with Thanks. All due to His extravagant yet simply beautiful blessings... I live this emotion, and this sense of gratitude everyday. Because I KN OW, that my life has been blessed FAR beyond what I am worthy of.
This past Sunday night, was one of those blessings. My friend Shelbi threw me a going away party, where more than twenty of my wonderful, beautiful friends showed up to wish me good lucks, goodbyes, and good advice. It was a life changing time for me. As all of my friends began to gather, it was obvious how blessed I was, just by who was there. All of them, beautiful, talented, kind, and continually striving to become even better people. All of them hilarious, strong, and all around great human beings. And they are my friends, gathered in one place..for me. Just the thought of that, gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes. Who am I to deserve such great influences and spirits in my life? Who am I to deserve such kindness?
...All though this was more than enough for me, just having everyone under one roof, the nights blessings didn't end there. Eventually we all worked our way outside into the night, to dangle our feet from the pool's edge. We took up about half of the pool, all having perfect access to each others faces and voices, to provide good conversation. And then someone came up with the idea of going around the circle, and having each person express a fond memory they had of themselves and I. At first, I was very VERY reluctant of this idea. If there is anything I despise the most, it would be compliments, or hearing what others thought of me...But as they began, I was captivated by not just what they were saying, but by the emotions they were showing..As each friend told a story of a funny moment, or a fond memory, and then ended with such sweet words of gratitude towards me...It was so plain to see the effect that the Gospel of Christ has had in my life, and because of that, the lives of others. and THAT is my purpose.
It wasn't me, who did the kind acts, or who brought happiness to a sad face, or made you laugh when you wanted to cry. It wasn't me who made you feel loved again, or who showed you your potential. It was the Spirit of God. It is the love He has for us, that changed your lives, and gave you moments to remember. I am who I am, because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He has made me all that I am, and continues to flush out the terrible and renew my spirit with strength. He guides me to places and to hearts that need mending, and care. And He teaches me how to serve them best, how to show pure love for His creations. I alone, am nothing. I am but a child. Selfish, hard, confliciting, and anxious. But with Christ, I become his hands. His tool. Therefor, when my friends were going around expressing gratitude for this or that, I was beyond over flowing with joy, and with gratitude. Because I now knew that all those little moments, all those little actions, weren't, in fact little at all. Instead, they were giant acts to bring His children to love again. and how grateful I am, to be apart of that. During this memory in the making, I was filled with knowledge of who I am, or want to be. and I was filled with the peaceful conclusion, that if I continue with the Lord, one day I know I will become all He has in store for me. I will become the sort of friend, all of my friends deserve.
...As emotional, and as inspiring as this moment around the pool was, the incredible-ness, of the night didn't end there. Eventually we worked our way back into the house, where there were three beautiful, wrapped in christmas paper, gifts. We gathered again on the couches, and I began to open them up. Inside the first package was a hand quilted blanket one of my best friends, Shelbi, made for me. (So I wouldn't freeze in the night, in Russia.) But this wasn't just an ordinary quilt, because right in the center was a collage of pictures she had made of her and I through out our friendship, and the quote " You'll be with me, like a hand print on my hear." A quote that will always have a soft spot in my heart with her. I wish I had a picture of this blanket to show you, because it is the most beautiful. On one side, its a solid red, and on the other its full of different coloured squares all polka-dotted with different sizes. Its perfectly loud. and i love every inch of its warmth. After finishing up admiring and tearing up over its kindness, I began to open up my second gift. Because Shelbi is the WORST at keeping anything a surprise, I knew what it was, but still, when I held my brand new netbook my friends had all pitched in to buy me, I was surprised by the emotion that came over me. Here I was holding a gift that means the wold to me, surrounded by smiling beautiful faces of my friends, and the feeling that was there..has made me utterly speechless since. I can not help but continually ask the question, "who am I to deserve this love?" In that moment, I had never felt so much love and appreciation for myself, from others...it was incredible. and its a feeling i will never forget.
I wish my words wouldn't fail me, and I wish I could express something so beautiful that all who read this, or took part in that moment, would feel like they understood exactly the emotion and gratitude my heart feels right now... But unfortunately, there are no words great enough. But nonetheless, I'll stick with what words I know will do their best. and that is...
Thank you. To all of you who have touched my life, my heart, my spirit. to all of you that have shown me exactly what life, and the Gospel are about. Thank you for giving my life purpose. I'll never forget the impact you made on me on that night, and on every moment before that... Thank you.
and, I love you. I sincerely and truly love you. :)
and for the past couple of days.
As my life unravels, and events take place, and people come and go, I am truly amazed at the blessings God has given me in my lifetime. I am not anyone who deserves special treatment or care, but I certainly can not deny that God has given my life plenty of extra beautiful touches. To figure this out, all you would have to do is spend a day by my side. And within twenty four hours your will see, touch, hear, and feel something so powerful, that the only option you feel you have, is to instantly kneel and cry out to God with Thanks. All due to His extravagant yet simply beautiful blessings... I live this emotion, and this sense of gratitude everyday. Because I KN OW, that my life has been blessed FAR beyond what I am worthy of.
This past Sunday night, was one of those blessings. My friend Shelbi threw me a going away party, where more than twenty of my wonderful, beautiful friends showed up to wish me good lucks, goodbyes, and good advice. It was a life changing time for me. As all of my friends began to gather, it was obvious how blessed I was, just by who was there. All of them, beautiful, talented, kind, and continually striving to become even better people. All of them hilarious, strong, and all around great human beings. And they are my friends, gathered in one place..for me. Just the thought of that, gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes. Who am I to deserve such great influences and spirits in my life? Who am I to deserve such kindness?
...All though this was more than enough for me, just having everyone under one roof, the nights blessings didn't end there. Eventually we all worked our way outside into the night, to dangle our feet from the pool's edge. We took up about half of the pool, all having perfect access to each others faces and voices, to provide good conversation. And then someone came up with the idea of going around the circle, and having each person express a fond memory they had of themselves and I. At first, I was very VERY reluctant of this idea. If there is anything I despise the most, it would be compliments, or hearing what others thought of me...But as they began, I was captivated by not just what they were saying, but by the emotions they were showing..As each friend told a story of a funny moment, or a fond memory, and then ended with such sweet words of gratitude towards me...It was so plain to see the effect that the Gospel of Christ has had in my life, and because of that, the lives of others. and THAT is my purpose.
It wasn't me, who did the kind acts, or who brought happiness to a sad face, or made you laugh when you wanted to cry. It wasn't me who made you feel loved again, or who showed you your potential. It was the Spirit of God. It is the love He has for us, that changed your lives, and gave you moments to remember. I am who I am, because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He has made me all that I am, and continues to flush out the terrible and renew my spirit with strength. He guides me to places and to hearts that need mending, and care. And He teaches me how to serve them best, how to show pure love for His creations. I alone, am nothing. I am but a child. Selfish, hard, confliciting, and anxious. But with Christ, I become his hands. His tool. Therefor, when my friends were going around expressing gratitude for this or that, I was beyond over flowing with joy, and with gratitude. Because I now knew that all those little moments, all those little actions, weren't, in fact little at all. Instead, they were giant acts to bring His children to love again. and how grateful I am, to be apart of that. During this memory in the making, I was filled with knowledge of who I am, or want to be. and I was filled with the peaceful conclusion, that if I continue with the Lord, one day I know I will become all He has in store for me. I will become the sort of friend, all of my friends deserve.
...As emotional, and as inspiring as this moment around the pool was, the incredible-ness, of the night didn't end there. Eventually we worked our way back into the house, where there were three beautiful, wrapped in christmas paper, gifts. We gathered again on the couches, and I began to open them up. Inside the first package was a hand quilted blanket one of my best friends, Shelbi, made for me. (So I wouldn't freeze in the night, in Russia.) But this wasn't just an ordinary quilt, because right in the center was a collage of pictures she had made of her and I through out our friendship, and the quote " You'll be with me, like a hand print on my hear." A quote that will always have a soft spot in my heart with her. I wish I had a picture of this blanket to show you, because it is the most beautiful. On one side, its a solid red, and on the other its full of different coloured squares all polka-dotted with different sizes. Its perfectly loud. and i love every inch of its warmth. After finishing up admiring and tearing up over its kindness, I began to open up my second gift. Because Shelbi is the WORST at keeping anything a surprise, I knew what it was, but still, when I held my brand new netbook my friends had all pitched in to buy me, I was surprised by the emotion that came over me. Here I was holding a gift that means the wold to me, surrounded by smiling beautiful faces of my friends, and the feeling that was there..has made me utterly speechless since. I can not help but continually ask the question, "who am I to deserve this love?" In that moment, I had never felt so much love and appreciation for myself, from others...it was incredible. and its a feeling i will never forget.
I wish my words wouldn't fail me, and I wish I could express something so beautiful that all who read this, or took part in that moment, would feel like they understood exactly the emotion and gratitude my heart feels right now... But unfortunately, there are no words great enough. But nonetheless, I'll stick with what words I know will do their best. and that is...
Thank you. To all of you who have touched my life, my heart, my spirit. to all of you that have shown me exactly what life, and the Gospel are about. Thank you for giving my life purpose. I'll never forget the impact you made on me on that night, and on every moment before that... Thank you.
and, I love you. I sincerely and truly love you. :)
