"As I write this, im pulling away out of my driveway. On my first stretch of my first journey.. I’m not sure exactly how I feel right now. Part of me wants to leap for joy, the other part wants to sit down and sob. Both appropriate I guess. I just can’t believe I’m doing this. For so long I have wanted to have an adventure, explore the world, discover new faces and new places. And…that time is already here...but i didn't imagine my dream would make saying goodbye so hard."
I wrote this yesterday, and after a long car ride, distractions from a book, a family wedding, and a nice long rest, ... i feel about the same.
Inside of me, my body is turning and twisting in all different directions. I feel as if an ocean is swarming inside of me, and my sanity is depending on how close i let my toes get to the water. All at the same time, my mind is pacing the floors, and taking a nap. My body is jumping for joy and kneeling on the floor, and my heart is breaking but growing. I doubt I've felt a sensation like this..ever. The strangeness of this emotion had me wondering how these next four months will play out. Will I be driven by excitement? Wanting to explore every moon, and every burdened Russian face? or will I be found by my bed side praying for time to past quickly so i can return home to the ones i love?
for now, i think it will be an equal mix of both. I realize i'm about to embark on the adventure of a life time, and i'm the luckiest girl in the world and don't get me wrong, i'm excited out of my mind.. But, When I left St.George, I left some of the best people in the world. People so great, that if i even tried to express to you how great they were, i would do them an injustice. ... It has been only a day, and I miss them so much.. so, can you blame me?
sigh, :(
i know it will get better. but for now,
I just want to freely miss you.
