The summer of my tenth grade year, I ended up loosing close to all of my friends. I was left feeling alone, hurt, and hating every part of myself for every reason i could think of. I began not to eat, and to run like a maniac. I never talked to anyone, and constantly had my ear phones in. & try as i might, i never found the peace i was looking for. I didn't understand how everything could have gone so wrong, so fast, without me even realizing it.
then one day my brilliant mother changed my life. I was having a particularly hard day and crying to her about how much sadness i carried with me and my wish to change. After listening silently and waiting for me to finish my out poor, she told me to do something that I will never forget. It was simple, but it impacted my life more then she will ever know.
My mother told me to go into my room and draw two lines on a piece of paper, creating three spaces. In one space I was to write all the characteristics i found in myself, in the other i was to write all the characteristics i found in Chirst, and in the last one the character traits i WANT to find in myself. I remember so vividly doing this project. (and i have the worst memory.) I remember looking at that finished peice of paper, and realizing just how far I had let myself fade from the person I was meant to be. After this project, I made a firm resolution to try to be like Jesus.
The affects of this goal, reached far greater then what i ever imagined they could. Eventually, I saw the affects not only in my own life, but in my loved ones. My friends, and fellow students, siblings, and parents. Because of the change I was willing and ready to make, I became a vessel. I made sure that if someone knew me, they also knew Christ. I became the best person I could be, by simply following in His ways. I became happy, whole, and ready to work.
I realized the other day after a long talk with Jeremy that I was once again at the state of my tenth grade summer year. I once again had found myself so far off the path I know is mine to take. And I also knew, once again, that it was time to make that chart.
When I first got here, I made calanders with deadlines for goals, charts for keeping track of progress, little shrines of encouragment. Anything you can think of that may of had the slightest bit of help towards remembering and keeping my goals, i did it.
i thought it would help motivate me if i could see all my goals written down right in front of me. Broken down into tasks and steps. And a list of reasons why I was going to achieve them all.
But after talking with J, I realized that I was wanting for the wrong goals. If I want to be made into a whole person again, I must do it through the love of the Saviour; through His endless example.
My one true goal, the one thing I actually care most about achieving isn't loosing weight or getting rid of relief society arms. It isn't keeping a clean house, or trying to say five nice things to everyone i meet that day.
No, my one true goal is to "Be Like Him." To follow in His ways.
My one true goal is to try to be like Jesus.
so I tore down all those goals and charts and "encouraging" mantra's. & I left myself with white walls, a clean slate. The only thing i have hanging in my room now, is a picture of my greatest role model, and a chart that I am hoping will once again make its miracle move in my life.
I love the Saviour. I have seen so many miracles happen in my life. For me, and my loved ones. Countless times I felt his presence with me, and countless times I have been brought to my knee's by the overwhelming knowledge of His love. I know with all of my heart that God loves me, and that His son loves me. The hand of God is never out of reach.. and when I find myself farther away from the door, I find Him knocking harder. I know He will not give up on me, and I will not give up on Him. He is my constant companion, and my greatest example. I am so incredibly blessed to have been born and raised in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I can not thank my parents enough for rearing me in the direction I need to be going. Without the light of Christ in my life, who knows where I would be. I pray that I can one day make Him proud of me. I know He lives, and I know He loves us. There isn't a doubt in my mind.
not one.
then one day my brilliant mother changed my life. I was having a particularly hard day and crying to her about how much sadness i carried with me and my wish to change. After listening silently and waiting for me to finish my out poor, she told me to do something that I will never forget. It was simple, but it impacted my life more then she will ever know.
My mother told me to go into my room and draw two lines on a piece of paper, creating three spaces. In one space I was to write all the characteristics i found in myself, in the other i was to write all the characteristics i found in Chirst, and in the last one the character traits i WANT to find in myself. I remember so vividly doing this project. (and i have the worst memory.) I remember looking at that finished peice of paper, and realizing just how far I had let myself fade from the person I was meant to be. After this project, I made a firm resolution to try to be like Jesus.
The affects of this goal, reached far greater then what i ever imagined they could. Eventually, I saw the affects not only in my own life, but in my loved ones. My friends, and fellow students, siblings, and parents. Because of the change I was willing and ready to make, I became a vessel. I made sure that if someone knew me, they also knew Christ. I became the best person I could be, by simply following in His ways. I became happy, whole, and ready to work.
I realized the other day after a long talk with Jeremy that I was once again at the state of my tenth grade summer year. I once again had found myself so far off the path I know is mine to take. And I also knew, once again, that it was time to make that chart.
When I first got here, I made calanders with deadlines for goals, charts for keeping track of progress, little shrines of encouragment. Anything you can think of that may of had the slightest bit of help towards remembering and keeping my goals, i did it.
i thought it would help motivate me if i could see all my goals written down right in front of me. Broken down into tasks and steps. And a list of reasons why I was going to achieve them all.
But after talking with J, I realized that I was wanting for the wrong goals. If I want to be made into a whole person again, I must do it through the love of the Saviour; through His endless example.
My one true goal, the one thing I actually care most about achieving isn't loosing weight or getting rid of relief society arms. It isn't keeping a clean house, or trying to say five nice things to everyone i meet that day.
No, my one true goal is to "Be Like Him." To follow in His ways.
My one true goal is to try to be like Jesus.
so I tore down all those goals and charts and "encouraging" mantra's. & I left myself with white walls, a clean slate. The only thing i have hanging in my room now, is a picture of my greatest role model, and a chart that I am hoping will once again make its miracle move in my life.
I love the Saviour. I have seen so many miracles happen in my life. For me, and my loved ones. Countless times I felt his presence with me, and countless times I have been brought to my knee's by the overwhelming knowledge of His love. I know with all of my heart that God loves me, and that His son loves me. The hand of God is never out of reach.. and when I find myself farther away from the door, I find Him knocking harder. I know He will not give up on me, and I will not give up on Him. He is my constant companion, and my greatest example. I am so incredibly blessed to have been born and raised in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I can not thank my parents enough for rearing me in the direction I need to be going. Without the light of Christ in my life, who knows where I would be. I pray that I can one day make Him proud of me. I know He lives, and I know He loves us. There isn't a doubt in my mind.
not one.
