Sometimes as i am writing something, i can feel my heart already disagreeing. But i continue onward in hopes that what i am writing will eventually sit lightly on my conscience. I get so involved with trying to create something moving, that i lose the simplicity of my true thoughts or essence. Often times i just end up repeating myself over and over.
I see this happen too often in my life as well. I wake up with a conviction of why and how I should live my life, and then am blind sided by the truth. It's very easy to tell when you finally have woken up to the right side of the bed, especially if you have been waking up on the wrong side for far too long.
this has been my experience in the last 120 hours.
Within this time i have been awakened to the true intent of my dreams, i have felt how it feels to "crumble" in every sense of the word, i have been infused with a clear vision for my life, and i have felt every part of me shake.
i have been filled with fear, loss, passion, peace, regret, pain, and meaning.
Within these hours i have woken up not only on the right side of the bed, but i have finally pushed my bed to the wall so that the only side to get off of on is the right one.
i have bound my life to a purpose that fulfills everything i can accomplish. & because of this, have realized the importance to knowing and understanding ones own heart.
and have felt my own heart break from not understanding soon enough.
I'm not going to go on a spiel about traveling, or family, careers, or whatever other big topics there are.. i've officially worn myself out on these topics. But i will tell you this, sometimes life, or God, or whatever you'd prefer, sweeps you off your feet and drops you right where you are needed most. The road to get there may be peculiar, hard, and leave you so twisted and turned you don't know which way is up or which way is down, but the destination and the fulfillment that comes from it, are worth it.
And, unfortunately for us humans, the cosmic's of the world also have a way of sweeping you off your feet and basically throwing you right back down on your butt. They throw everything that sucks right at you, and leave you defenseless. I suppose this is the way of life.
Me, being the lucky person i am, get both of these extraordinary awakenings almost at the same time. I'll quote my own mother when she said to me last night, "Well, I cant say im surprised that this is happening to you. You always have something amazing happen to you, and then are thrown right back into the dirt. Apparently your road wasn't meant to be easy." (bless her heart.)
But you know, even though as i currently am writing this all i want to do is take another shower to drown out my sorrows... I'm grateful. I am grateful to everything good and bad that has happened to me in the last 120 hours. Because some of it has been a long awaited answered prayer, and some of it will hopefully be the start of something that can be even greater then what it was before. whatever that may be.
So even though sometimes life totally rocks, and sometimes totally blows.. the most important thing to remember is that it's all a learning curve. & that eventually everything won't be okay.. but that is okay. because it's called refinement.
every day is a new day.
I see this happen too often in my life as well. I wake up with a conviction of why and how I should live my life, and then am blind sided by the truth. It's very easy to tell when you finally have woken up to the right side of the bed, especially if you have been waking up on the wrong side for far too long.
this has been my experience in the last 120 hours.
Within this time i have been awakened to the true intent of my dreams, i have felt how it feels to "crumble" in every sense of the word, i have been infused with a clear vision for my life, and i have felt every part of me shake.
i have been filled with fear, loss, passion, peace, regret, pain, and meaning.
Within these hours i have woken up not only on the right side of the bed, but i have finally pushed my bed to the wall so that the only side to get off of on is the right one.
i have bound my life to a purpose that fulfills everything i can accomplish. & because of this, have realized the importance to knowing and understanding ones own heart.
and have felt my own heart break from not understanding soon enough.
I'm not going to go on a spiel about traveling, or family, careers, or whatever other big topics there are.. i've officially worn myself out on these topics. But i will tell you this, sometimes life, or God, or whatever you'd prefer, sweeps you off your feet and drops you right where you are needed most. The road to get there may be peculiar, hard, and leave you so twisted and turned you don't know which way is up or which way is down, but the destination and the fulfillment that comes from it, are worth it.
And, unfortunately for us humans, the cosmic's of the world also have a way of sweeping you off your feet and basically throwing you right back down on your butt. They throw everything that sucks right at you, and leave you defenseless. I suppose this is the way of life.
Me, being the lucky person i am, get both of these extraordinary awakenings almost at the same time. I'll quote my own mother when she said to me last night, "Well, I cant say im surprised that this is happening to you. You always have something amazing happen to you, and then are thrown right back into the dirt. Apparently your road wasn't meant to be easy." (bless her heart.)
But you know, even though as i currently am writing this all i want to do is take another shower to drown out my sorrows... I'm grateful. I am grateful to everything good and bad that has happened to me in the last 120 hours. Because some of it has been a long awaited answered prayer, and some of it will hopefully be the start of something that can be even greater then what it was before. whatever that may be.
So even though sometimes life totally rocks, and sometimes totally blows.. the most important thing to remember is that it's all a learning curve. & that eventually everything won't be okay.. but that is okay. because it's called refinement.
every day is a new day.
