Something I have known I have always wanted to do in my life was travel. I knew I always wanted to stand at the edge of Niagara Falls, or climb the Great Wall of China, visit the great pyramids in Egypt, cut through the jungles in Cambodia, or relax on the island of Jamaica. I knew it. I also knew I didn't want to travel just for leisure, but also to make a difference. I wanted to see lives change everywhere, not just in my home town. I never knew how I was going to travel. I just knew that somehow, I would. Not questioning it once, opportunities presented themselves. Without a college education, or a savings account that would rock your world, I've now lived in two different countries, and visited seven. I also have been blessed with being able to travel for leisure, and also to make a difference in a childs life.
Everything I said I was going to do, I have done. I graduated High School and without fear, stepped into an unknown world and became apart of it. And, I have loved every moment of it. Yes, I was occasionally miserable in freezing Moscow. Yes, at times i felt extremely alone. Yes, living in the ghetto of China isn't particularly pleasant. But I am willing to take all of this "bad", in exchange for all the incredible good.
I love finding myself in situations and places i never in a million years thought i would be. Whether its playing basketball till dusk with a bunch of Chines guys, or being smooshed on a bus holding a pie on our way to celebrate Thanksgiving in Moscow, or talking to a one legged seagull as i ate my delicious morning pastry in Stockholm. Moments like these aren't created in your mind, they are created by living life. When I am abroad, every day, I wake up to something new. something exciting. I wake up to a day where I can both sit back and relax, but also make a difference. Because I travel, I know bliss.
Being a mother and a wife, on the other hand, hasn't always been such a peachy idea. In fact, I'm sure if it wasn't for my LDS upbringing, becoming either of these two things perhaps may never have crossed my mind. Indeed I have been caught up in the excitement of wedding dreams, and naming your "one day children", and imagining just how perfect my home would be. And I won't deny that i thoroughly enjoy these conversations. But I can also say honestly, that above all things traveling has always come first in my mind.
For me personally. When I picture being a mother and wife, I picture contention, lost dreams, becoming complacent, mundane tasks, and never ending to-do lists. I visualize myself teaching my children all the wrong things, and having little boogers be their out come. I picture myself yelling at my husband for nothing, because he is already doing everything he can. I picture a house that is never clean, an "I wish i would have" journal that is always full, and a heart that could never honestly tell what it was feeling.
For me, I would rather travel the world and experience all it has to offer, teach hundreds of different kids, and essentially answer to no one.
But what do you do when you fall in love? Even though you weren't planning on it? What do you do when the person you fall in love with, dreams of providing for a family? & what do you do, if the one you love, helps you to see what you haven't see?
Today, as I talked to Jeremy, he asked me which I would rather have. A family, or to travel? After seriously thinking about it, i replied to him ( even thought I'm sure it's not what he wanted to hear) that I would choose travel. I told him that I have always wanted to be out there in the world experiencing and making a difference. I expressed to him how it feels to walk the streets of Dachong, or buckle myself into another plane flight. I told him that I already knew I could do good here, and that I could also be doing good for people back home. If I were alone and traveling. I also told him how i have never wanted to just have any ol' job, or do the same thing day in and day out. And I also told him how absolutely positively terrified I am of becoming a wife and mother. I told him that I knew I would be horrible at both, and that it was much easier for me to take care of many children for a few hours, then few children for all the hours. above all, I told him I was afraid.
to this he replied, "And what if you put the same gumption and motivation you have towards travel, towards family?" What if you went into family knowing you were going to be, or try every day to be, the best darn wife and mother there ever was? What if you woke up thinking, this is a new experience today, a beautiful one? What if you took all the bad that family life may deal you, and work at it one problem at a time? And always remembered that at least, at the end of the day if nothing else went right, you are surrounded by people you love. And what if, you let fear of being a horrible mother and wife, go? Just, let it go. (can you see why i love him?)
After thinking about what he said, i started to turn over each situation. Pastries on the shore of Stokholm became PB&J's in the backyard. Bus trips in Moscow became road trips to grandma's house. Buying myself a turtle at the local market became my son bringing home a stray dog. Freezing cold weather in Russia, became our heater breaking down in December. Bickering teachers, became impatient parents. And smelly ally-ways became dirty houses. Suddenly, everything flipped for me, and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel of Motherhood.
Then I thought of Sergey and his first day of class, and how we became best friends. I thought of how he would still ask for me, even though I had gone. And I pictured my own son loving me just as much. I pictured the tight bonds i created with the girls from previous adventures, and fell in love with the bonds of husband and wife. I pictured changing the life of my own child, and my life changing through the love of my husband.
Suddenly, motherhood and becoming a wife, weren't so scary. Of course, a lot more can go wrong, and consequences can be a lot more devastating. But because of this, much more can go right and those things will last forever. Family is one eternal round. One beautiful adventure.
When it comes to the question of travel vs family...
this girl, the one who always believed travel above all things, has switched teams.
But it's only because I have a great team leader. ;)
Jeremy is right. Actually, in a way, we are both right. And because we are both right, we are perfect for each other.
I always sort of thought I would never fall in love and get married young. In fact, I always thought that perhaps I would never get married at all. Because I thought this, I became okay with it. But, if God has given me the blessing of having eternal potential with Jeremy.. you bet your bottom dollar I'm going to take it. Because above all things previous, nothing has ever made more sense to me.
Yes, I am still scared to take a step in the other direction.
and no, I will not give up on traveling.
Jeremy and I will create our own wonderful world to wake up to.
& to be honest, no matter how scared I may get..
he will always be my first choice.
Everything I said I was going to do, I have done. I graduated High School and without fear, stepped into an unknown world and became apart of it. And, I have loved every moment of it. Yes, I was occasionally miserable in freezing Moscow. Yes, at times i felt extremely alone. Yes, living in the ghetto of China isn't particularly pleasant. But I am willing to take all of this "bad", in exchange for all the incredible good.
I love finding myself in situations and places i never in a million years thought i would be. Whether its playing basketball till dusk with a bunch of Chines guys, or being smooshed on a bus holding a pie on our way to celebrate Thanksgiving in Moscow, or talking to a one legged seagull as i ate my delicious morning pastry in Stockholm. Moments like these aren't created in your mind, they are created by living life. When I am abroad, every day, I wake up to something new. something exciting. I wake up to a day where I can both sit back and relax, but also make a difference. Because I travel, I know bliss.
Being a mother and a wife, on the other hand, hasn't always been such a peachy idea. In fact, I'm sure if it wasn't for my LDS upbringing, becoming either of these two things perhaps may never have crossed my mind. Indeed I have been caught up in the excitement of wedding dreams, and naming your "one day children", and imagining just how perfect my home would be. And I won't deny that i thoroughly enjoy these conversations. But I can also say honestly, that above all things traveling has always come first in my mind.
For me personally. When I picture being a mother and wife, I picture contention, lost dreams, becoming complacent, mundane tasks, and never ending to-do lists. I visualize myself teaching my children all the wrong things, and having little boogers be their out come. I picture myself yelling at my husband for nothing, because he is already doing everything he can. I picture a house that is never clean, an "I wish i would have" journal that is always full, and a heart that could never honestly tell what it was feeling.
For me, I would rather travel the world and experience all it has to offer, teach hundreds of different kids, and essentially answer to no one.
But what do you do when you fall in love? Even though you weren't planning on it? What do you do when the person you fall in love with, dreams of providing for a family? & what do you do, if the one you love, helps you to see what you haven't see?
Today, as I talked to Jeremy, he asked me which I would rather have. A family, or to travel? After seriously thinking about it, i replied to him ( even thought I'm sure it's not what he wanted to hear) that I would choose travel. I told him that I have always wanted to be out there in the world experiencing and making a difference. I expressed to him how it feels to walk the streets of Dachong, or buckle myself into another plane flight. I told him that I already knew I could do good here, and that I could also be doing good for people back home. If I were alone and traveling. I also told him how i have never wanted to just have any ol' job, or do the same thing day in and day out. And I also told him how absolutely positively terrified I am of becoming a wife and mother. I told him that I knew I would be horrible at both, and that it was much easier for me to take care of many children for a few hours, then few children for all the hours. above all, I told him I was afraid.
to this he replied, "And what if you put the same gumption and motivation you have towards travel, towards family?" What if you went into family knowing you were going to be, or try every day to be, the best darn wife and mother there ever was? What if you woke up thinking, this is a new experience today, a beautiful one? What if you took all the bad that family life may deal you, and work at it one problem at a time? And always remembered that at least, at the end of the day if nothing else went right, you are surrounded by people you love. And what if, you let fear of being a horrible mother and wife, go? Just, let it go. (can you see why i love him?)
After thinking about what he said, i started to turn over each situation. Pastries on the shore of Stokholm became PB&J's in the backyard. Bus trips in Moscow became road trips to grandma's house. Buying myself a turtle at the local market became my son bringing home a stray dog. Freezing cold weather in Russia, became our heater breaking down in December. Bickering teachers, became impatient parents. And smelly ally-ways became dirty houses. Suddenly, everything flipped for me, and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel of Motherhood.
Then I thought of Sergey and his first day of class, and how we became best friends. I thought of how he would still ask for me, even though I had gone. And I pictured my own son loving me just as much. I pictured the tight bonds i created with the girls from previous adventures, and fell in love with the bonds of husband and wife. I pictured changing the life of my own child, and my life changing through the love of my husband.
Suddenly, motherhood and becoming a wife, weren't so scary. Of course, a lot more can go wrong, and consequences can be a lot more devastating. But because of this, much more can go right and those things will last forever. Family is one eternal round. One beautiful adventure.
When it comes to the question of travel vs family...
this girl, the one who always believed travel above all things, has switched teams.
But it's only because I have a great team leader. ;)
Jeremy is right. Actually, in a way, we are both right. And because we are both right, we are perfect for each other.
I always sort of thought I would never fall in love and get married young. In fact, I always thought that perhaps I would never get married at all. Because I thought this, I became okay with it. But, if God has given me the blessing of having eternal potential with Jeremy.. you bet your bottom dollar I'm going to take it. Because above all things previous, nothing has ever made more sense to me.
Yes, I am still scared to take a step in the other direction.
and no, I will not give up on traveling.
Jeremy and I will create our own wonderful world to wake up to.
& to be honest, no matter how scared I may get..
he will always be my first choice.
